Ruminating events, imagining scenarios.

That moment I knew your loved one would leave us.

A long awaited end to suffering, a traumatic event that stalled time.

A beacon of light I try to be

In this torrential tidal wave of emotion and grief.

I shut the pumps off as I quietly whisper, “I’m sorry, she’s gone…”

I make room for you to sob and lay across your mom.

I make room in my heart to hold your grief,

As you realize this moment you’ve never planned for is here

That weight I briefly carried in now yours.

I guided you here and I must leave.

A nurse’s job is done, but the memories echo into the grief we weave.

The families we held, the patients we couldn’t save

They etch across our hearts, silently.

For those in your life that have shown love by giving. Giving of their time and service, that is their love. They show interest. They want to see all you have to offer. They encourage and display a genuine desire to see you be your best. They want to listen. They want to hear from you. They care. Simple tasks and small favors they find joy in doing.

As an Empath, this tends to happen when I am tired and completely drained. I tend to feel the slight pang of failure since I am usually the giver. I end up feeling spent and negative thoughts creep in, “you should do more, you can do more…”, and suddenly the givers show up. They let you sit. They let you collect your thoughts. They let you breath a little. Those are the true gems in life. The ones that you know their story is deep and you embrace that little glimpse of heartache. You can see how they give more because that’s their best days. They give unconditionally and they relish in it. They wear their sorrow at times, but they smile and love despite the sadness.

Thank the givers. Embrace their selflessness.

I thank my God for every remembrance of you.

(Narrated from past experience in 2017)

I helped a woman having a stroke at Target today.  She must have been shopping with all her daughter’s and sister’s; like a big holiday shopping trip with all the women of the family.  Her daughter’s were scared and some were crying, the others were teary too and I was met with this absolutely heightened state of alertness.  I very calmly asked questions, directed the Target associate to call 911, and had someone get a chair so she wouldn’t fall.  I realized as the paramedics arrived and I started to back away, that they were all thanking me over and over again. 

“I really didn’t do anything,” I thought?

I “helped” with very limited resources. I knew this woman needed a CT scan (among other things), but I’m in Target so all I could do was keep her safe from falling and assess what I could.  I realized what they were actually thanking me for was being a voice of reason in their chaos.  This was the ultimate crisis in their whole family right now. 

I was a life preserver.

I held them up in strength and courage.  I stayed in that place of uncertainty with them.   I validated their concern and supported their helplessness by just being present.  That in itself is comforting.  A stranger who is willing to hold your hand and help. 

A servants heart is my gift from God.  A willingness to give of myself out of compassion, courage, and a strength from the depths of my soul.  My ability to react in an emergency with God given clarity is truly a humble gift.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to serve and be a life preserver  for only those few minutes they needed someone, anyone.  Please heal her and give her family comfort tonight.  In Jesus name, Amen. 

I was praying this morning about how I’m thankful for certain luxuries in my life.  I don’t have a fancy sports car, but I have a new vehicle that I appreciate every time it starts and drives so well.  I pay a lot of money every month to have a dependable vehicle.  I am willing to sacrifice my hard earned cash and deny myself other things to afford a dependable car and not have to worry about it’s reliability.

Dependability always comes with sacrifice.  When we depend on God we sacrifice our control and trust God with our faith.  Jesus depended on His Father and the Lord’s plan.  He sacrificed himself with a level of trust and faith only the Son of God could attain.  All for a much greater cause than any one of us could imagine.  He knew that the world depended on Him.  He knew that His dependability would serve every single one of us.

When we sacrifice and place our trust in Him, we gain Hope, perseverance, and divine reliability.  

Lord, I want to thank you today for my gift of insight into your words and helping me see your actions in my life.  The subtle events that cascade into deep trust and dependence on your plan for my life.  I am amazed at the presence of your work in my life no matter how small or insignificant.  

Thank you Lord for calling me yours.

My name, Samantha, means “The Listener”.  For many years I was disappointed that the meaning of my name wasn’t at all true of me.  I am a talker, a serious chatter box.  Ever since I was little that is all my teachers ever said about me- I talked A LOT!

Over the past few years, I’ve come to learn more about myself.  Looking inward I’ve noticed that I’ve become more silent.  I speak less of my opinion.  I decline offering anecdotes of my experience even if it relates to the conversation.  I’ve taken less of a center stage.  I’ve grown up.  I no longer have to fight for a position to be heard.  I am now ready to Listen.

God opened my eyes.  Yes my eyes, not my ears.  I saw a glimpse of a new definition of listening.  I understood what being a listener actually meant.  It’s not always physically hearing.  It’s sensing the mystical and hearing what is unsaid.  It’s intuition and “gut feeling”.  It’s knowing and experiencing that silent space of energy and accepting it.  It’s a glimpse into an unknown, but understood.  It’s a gift from the creator.  Learning to rest in His presence and hearing a divine understanding that has no words.

That, my friends, is Listening.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton